She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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