Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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