i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
