WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
