he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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