So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
only if we run a train.
done.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
