You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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