I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
