my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
