i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
