i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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