You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
