Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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