Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
