All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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