he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
