the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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