I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
