I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
