We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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