am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
