I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
