Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
