i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
