Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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