im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
