you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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