She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
