Someone shit on the floor
You can't special order awesome
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
