why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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