I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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