Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
