She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
soo... how was my night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
