is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
