Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
