why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
