i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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