ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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