what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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