I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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