My underwear smells like fireworks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize