haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
