Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
