I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
