This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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