cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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