Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
