my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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