just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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