After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
