fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
