My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
