I can text with my tongue
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
