I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Soap is not a condiment
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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