my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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