I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
two words: eviction party
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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