If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
