hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's like heaven, but drunker
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
