planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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