Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
