He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize