oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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