the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
