I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
