so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
