i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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