i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize