are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
