so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
