Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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