Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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