We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will be naked everywhere
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
