You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
