I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
