in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
