God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize