I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
