We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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