Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Terrible idea I love it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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