He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
