Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
