Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
