Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
