When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
