we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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