I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
