There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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