id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
