you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
