Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
