I wish life had little blips of pornography
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
