This is not my ceiling
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's shark week go big or go home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
