i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
