Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
