You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
