Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The power of my boobs compel you
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
