When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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